A camera is a large and important purchase, nothing wrong with trying a few out until you find the one that best fits your needs.
Please refresh me as to a few things. It seems flash and auto-mode shooting is a priority for you, is there a reason why the Sony H20 was eliminated from the running? If there was, I forget. It has great flash output and chooses quite low iso's for it.
anyways, on to your other questions for me. I think quite easily you could set your camera up so that your EXR mode is your non-flash mode. Just set it like Auto ISO 1600, DR400, that should give you enough DR to make use of outdoor contrasty scenes but still give you full ISO range. Then you could leave your P mode for indoor flash shots, just set to like AutoISO 400 and pop to this mode when you need flash. that would be a pretty good compromise that allows just switching between 2 modes.
they just released the f80exr, which gives HD video as well, i am not sure if the auto-modes are improved, or changed at all though.