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Old Dec 25, 2006, 5:13 PM   #1
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Nine Rules of Photography
1. Wear the neck strap
When I first bought my camera and opened it up, I saw the neck strap in there and my first thought was "Hey, this is lame". So I didn't use it. Thankfully I learned the easy way. Originally it was paranoia that I would drop my camera that made me start using it. The real reason you need the neck strap is so that you won't die. When you are climbing a strange hill/mountain/coulee/whatever and suddenly feel yourself slipping, it is very useful to be able to drop your camera and use both hands to catch yourself (so that you don't fall and die).

2. Take your time… usually
Do not rush around snapping pictures at random. They will be bad pictures. You must carefully compose each shot and you will take great shots. There is one glaring exception here. If you are taking a picture of something that wants to kill you, hurrying is good. This includes mammals with claws, birds diving at you, people with pitchforks, and people in a family photo.

3. Be prepared to spend money
This is a hard lesson learned by many beginning photographers. Photography is NEVER cheap. Even when you find that super-great deal on a camera, you still need to buy a camera bag, memory card, extra batteries, and usually a new camera once you learn that your great deal wasn't so great. Depending on what you photograph you may also need accessories such as bullet proof vests, goggles and small firearms.

4. Don't be out of shape
Any nature photographer will be able to tell you that the beaten path is lame. Nobody likes it. Good nature shots are usually taken in the middle of nowhere surrounded by deadly animals and found on "paths" that were never meant to be used by humans. If you are out of shape you will probably die in one of the above mentioned spots. So get in shape before you become a nature photographer.

5. Bigger is better
We all love those little pocket camera's… right? No… not really. You see they are very nice, but there are downsides. Tiny lenses for example, do not let in very much light… and the light is usually not in the greatest shape once it gets in. To view this metaphorically, imagine trying to cram a wedding cake through an opening the size of a pencil. It will not look quite as pretty when you're done. Big lenses are good.

6. Wind stinks
Try to avoid taking pictures on windy days. Especially if you like taking pictures on hills. You will be at risk of getting blown off every couple seconds… and then you'll die. (This goes back to the neck strap rule). You don't want to fall off anything. It hurts like crazy and you might die.

7. Yes, it will bite you
Animals don't like posing for pictures. They don't care how great their portrait will look on your wall. This goes double for anything poisonous or bigger than you. Shoot fast and then run away. You'd be surprised what can hurt you. Best to keep your distance.

8. Yes, it will bite you
People don't like posing for pictures. They usually don't care about how great their portrait will look, especially if they are under 10 or don't like pictures. This goes double for anything in a hurry or bigger than you. Shoot fast and then run away. This is important to remember around family members.

9. Careful with your post-processing
This is another mistake common for people who have just bought photoshop or something. They will saturate their picture until it looks like it's from a bug's bunny cartoon and then mess with the light until it looks completely inhuman. After you're finished processing a picture, take a good look at it and if the sky is brown or somebody's face is a lovely shade of magenta… you should probably just stick with the original.
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Old Dec 25, 2006, 5:35 PM   #2
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Genius..... did you make this up, or did you get it from somewhere?? I think I need to get working out so I can run from all of the things that are going to kill me!!
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Old Dec 25, 2006, 5:37 PM   #3
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Not a bad list, but I will add a couple more:

10) All rules can be broken

11) Beware of people who offer unsolicatated lists of rules, and even more cautious of people who add to those lists.
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Old Dec 25, 2006, 7:22 PM   #4
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re: rule #5 (and #10)

pocket $59 rangefinder Vivitar from Alexander's Dept. Store (circa 1970):



Last edited by bernabeu; Jun 27, 2015 at 5:24 PM.
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Old Dec 25, 2006, 9:39 PM   #5
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Uh oh, I'd better intervene before people take these seriously. My original plan was to write a guide to photography and then relate photography to raising gerbils with clever metaphors in every aspect. I decided to scrap that idea because I don't know much about gerbils but it should let you know about how serious this was meant to be... :blah:
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Old Dec 25, 2006, 9:43 PM   #6
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Thank goodness........I thought I was gonna have to become a "Nature Photographer" ;-P
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Old Jan 2, 2007, 10:45 AM   #7
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I guess #1 and #4 goes hand in hand. There is no way a camera strap is able to support my current weight when I fall of the edge. I guess I need to start to loose weight and what a perfect timing now that it is the new year and all. How much weight do most camera straps supports anyway, 100lbs? Lets see, I am 250lbs right now and if the wind blows me off the edge of the mountains, and if I added my weight with the velocity that I am fall at, calculate the speed of the wind blowing down at me, I would need to be around 50lbs or so in order for the camera strap to support me. Add in the weight of my camera and other camera equipments I would need to be 30lbs.

I guess I will stop eatting now. Also with the money that I save from food, I can buy myself a telephoto prime lens that I've always wanted.

Thanks for the tip!
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Old Jan 2, 2007, 3:20 PM   #8
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Could add something about the dangers of being a RAW shooter,
especially up here in the chilly Canadian winters.
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Old Jan 2, 2007, 3:36 PM   #9
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PeterP wrote:
Quote:
Could add something about the dangers of being a RAW shooter,
especially up here in the chilly Canadian winters.
So what are the dangers of being a RAW shooter, I am not one so I wouldn't know:blah:
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Old Jan 2, 2007, 4:30 PM   #10
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:cart: Wandering out in the -25deg temps while shooting in the RAW can cause unexpected bits to fall off.
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